Getting it right for queer couples

Every love is good love

I’m not a fan of following the flock. So not for me a blog about love on Valentine’s Day. No, I’ll leave it a day! Every day is a good day to celebrate love in my book. (Thran, some might call me in Scots... stubborn, determined. I prefer to think it’s about being able to think for myself and stand up for my principles… very much the Humanist way.)

So my love post today recalls a glorious wedding I did in Devon a while back for Sarah & Lou: a queer woman and her non-binary partner. As a queer woman myself, I’m always delighted to help others assert their right to love and exchange meaningful vows publicly. It’s all the more important after centuries of closets and condemnation. (Never forgetting it’s still unsafe and even life-threatening to be gay in some countries, mostly to the shame of religion.)

Meeting the couple and meeting their needs was a total pleasure. It was also a challenge getting the language right. All my focus was on capturing their spirit, creating a ceremony that reflected who they are and what their values are. In the detail, this meant using their preferred language… not using a gendered pronoun (his/her) and instead using the preferred 'they’ for a person who is non-binary (doesn’t identify with one gender).

Every day is a school day and I’m always scanning and checking to understand how language is changing and shaping society. Words are powerful, as anyone bullied in the playground will attest.

So it was especially important to me to read their words of gratitude after, getting a ‘thank you’ note from the couple: “We barely have words to express what a contribution you made to our special day…”

I’ll keep listening and learning and look to couples and families for guidance to understand their life, their culture, their language, their ways.